For the majority of my life, I have been trying to find my place in the world.
Over the years, I’ve found a few places that I’ve felt welcome, but more places where I’ve never been welcome.
Let’s start with the places that I really wasn’t welcome in:
- High School: I don’t know whether it was because of my appearance, my learning disability, my mental health, or the fact that I have a high IQ. Life just didn’t work out for me in High School. Probably because the teachers allowed the bullies to bully me, as well as helping them in doing so.
- People’s Houses: this is generally when I go to a relatives house, only to find that they will continue deadnaming me after two years of going by Castiel. They also enjoy questioning my life decisions while boasting about their criminal children… Yeah. Being an Artist is questionable, but being a Cocain addict is completely normal.
- Doctors Office Waiting Room: I don’t know why, but just by walking in I get stared at by the elder generation. As if questioning why I’m there. As if no one under the age of sixty can get ill. It’s extremely uncomfortable, reading a book on my phone and hearing “why can young people just read a book instead of stare at their phones on social media all the time?”… I sometimes just feel like turning around and telling them my opinion of the book I’m reading. Wuthering Heights is what I was reading in the doctors office last week. I told the lady sitting next to me that the book is great but the necrophilia and the ghostly ending is really weird.
Now the places I feel safe:
- My Bedroom: this is a place where I can be myself without being judged – because no one by my partner is actually allowed in my bedroom.
- Art Foundation: This is generally because of the teachers and other students calling me by my name, Castiel, not my deadname – which I appreciate. I also get to make as much weird art as I like, which I REALLY appreciate! After spending four years in ‘creative’ studies and not being allowed to be as creative as I want to, it’s nice being allowed to do new and more exciting things.
- Scotland: I’ve been to Scotland on three occasions now. It’s amazing. I love the accent, the people, the feel of community, the food, the drink… It’s amazing! If I could live there starting today, I would. But until I leave college and get married, I doubt that will be happening any time soon. But eventually, I hope to go live there. Near Gretna so that we can go to The Lake Districts with ease.
And that’s it for me.
I hope you all have a nice day,